happy poem

your funeral, my trial

it was cold
and it was winter
and the snow covered the grass
like a goodbye kiss
from a moving train

it was cold
and it was winter
and she felt as lonely as a nail beneath the skin

it was dark under a yellow rose
and it was three unborn daughters ago,
i remember,
since you left
my dear love

it is winter
and my pain gets deeper with every step i take
damn this iron jim crow barrier
that hurts like a fire snake

i remember us naked in the hay bed
our skinny, teenage bodies, like a sad quick depart
your kissing my neck, my tearing apart heart,
my nails in your tender chest skin, your arms holding my breath
i remember i cried and tremble with every white little death

there were no birds
there were no flowers
there were no oranges
or ribbons
in the home we once shared

i was desperate
i remember this
i remember i felt like falling from a broken cliff
from his broken mouth
from his shattered skull

it was cold
and it was winter
and the snow covered her and the grass
like a goodbye kiss
from a crying lip

i opened the door of our little wooden house
and all the snow flakes
flew inside
like a summer breeze
and laid on my hair
and in my face
and on my pure silk dress

the naked trees looked like skeletons
a rotten smell came from i don't know where
she was so pretty
she was so pale
a crow was standing at the empty well

I can recall his eyes
his arms
the way he touched me
like a wolf’s eyetooth
like a dried up flower
but i hate myself because her face vanishes in the blue haze

it was cold and it was winter
and every word i ever said to you
aches in my finger like a wooden splinter in the summertime

it was cold and, like a worm,
i came digging from the ground
i came crashing through the storm
i came breaking all the doors

it was cold and it was winter
and the last thing I ever saw
was you asleep by that little timber
you with your beatific glow
and your paper-thin face in your brown cotton hands
easy like a killer

and i remember a single teardrop fell
somewhere over the snow
over the cold wind
over your closed eyes
over a gun
over our footsteps
and over a ring

outlaw

today i feel like 37 cuts in the wrists
like a dirty magazine cover
like a burning outlaw running for his horse
a happy cow in the slaughter house

today there’s people fighting with the police in the street
and the land is begging for money
and the cold blue of this mad city’s sky is so sharp it hurts my eyes

today i feel like a drive-by shooter
a rotten diamond
like a stupid dirty pigeon

today it’s enough,
and there’s a deaf afghan with an ak47,
and the fat, dead eyed, stalinist king
is looking at his own face in the mirror
with a proud grim in his mouth

today i feel like a beaten up greyhound with silver hair,
like a fallen angel too sad to complain,
like a black ink drop from your pen about to fall,
just inches away from the paper,
inches away from that woman you are about to draw

today it’s cold,
and blurry,
and i have lost too many trains,
or too many trains have missed me,
who cares?
what’s the difference?
it is a ghost town anyway

today amy,
my dear,
my far away friend

i wish i could be with some ladies
riding in a white pontiac convertible,
my hand on the wheel,
my hand on my eyes,
her left hand in my neck,
listening to the rolling stones,
on the road,
you know what it means,
the road,
whatever road,
our kind of road

today i feel like a rotten stop sign
a melancholic hyena
a singing scarecrow
a sweet goodbye
solomon under the temple’s wall

the road amy, i told you about it already...

today amy
i have run out of life belts
life boats
life jackets
life vests
life rings
life floats
rain wear
tape

today
i hit the white walls in my room with my fist
and prepare myself for the operating theatre
lights, camera, action

today,
writing this poem is the only thing that keeps me from dying
and, at the same time, is killing me,
weird
um?

today, amy
i have the stupid idea
that i know better than ever
that you are,
quietly,
sincerely,
listening to me
while i re-read these lines,
loud,
like a mother fucker

Cielo

la tarde en la que quedé atrapado por G
no te conocía

ni la mañana de otoño en la que me planté delante de su piel
y saqué esa foto,
en aquella ciudad de hielo y ropa de segunda mano,
vapor de agua saliendo de la tierra,
pantallas gigantes,
ambulancias

cuando volví a esta ciudad con un dolor tan profundo,
y andé por las calles empedradas,
las tiendas de chinos,
las litronas de cerveza,
los charcos,
no te conocía,
no sabía ni tu nombre

cuando imprimí esta silueta,
y fui,
solo,
a que la tatuaran en mi brazo,
no te conocía,
no agarré tu mano,
ni te miré,
ni cerré los ojos,
ni pensé en ti

cuando la tinta y la aguja entraron en mi piel,
cuando la lavé tres veces al día,
jabón neutro,
crema antibacteriana,
plástico,
no te conocía

cuando empezó a aparecer la costra,
y se cayó,
y la piel me tiraba como si quisiera cerrarse sobre ella misma,
no te conocía,
ni siquiera podía imaginar algo como tu

cuando la empecé a mirar,
cada mañana,
a hablar con ella,
a decirla que me encantaba verla cada mañana,
cada noche,
que me alegraba de tener a alguien así de cerca
siempre,
no te conocía siquiera

en la nieve del invierno,
en la amarga primavera al borde del abismo,
en el húmedo verano al este del este,
cuando estábamos simplemente ella y yo juntos,
pegados,
no te conocía

por eso
ahora
se hace raro
que
el otoño sea tuyo
y que cada vez que la veo
no importa cuando ni donde
solo
solo
piense en ti

Lyrics looking for music to form a song

you
you make
you make me
you make me wanna
you make me wanna open my veins and bleed
you make me dizzy
you make me stupid
you make me speed
up

you make me wanna smoke
you make me wanna snort all the dust in my room
you make me wanna choke
you make me drink
you make me immortal
the whole night in a blink
you make me ill
you make me swallow every pill
I find
you
you make me
babe

you make me lay in the floor
you make me wanna buy a gun
you make me scream
you make me hard, you make me soft
you make me wanna dry like a lizard in the sun

you make me wanna run
you make me wanna torn my skin in two
you
you make me wanna
make me wanna kill

you
babe

you make me scream
you make me howl
you make me wanna start a fight
you make me wanna hit my head to the wall

you
you make me want to lose all dignity
you make me want to


you make me want to lick you
you make me want to kiss you
you make me wanna to bite you
you make me want to squeeze you

you
you you

you make me wanna get naked
you make me wanna drop dead
deadlocked
dunked
caked
under your bed

you
you
you

y si...

y si te digo que llovía levemente,
que hacía frío
y las hojas amarillas caían sobre la negra negra carretera

y si te recuerdo que paré el coche en el barro
y solo estábamos nosotros dos
entre la niebla
y los disparos de escopeta

y si te digo que recuerdo tu brillante cintura
y tu pequeña cicatriz en el ojo
y tu manera de sumergirte en el agua caliente

y si te digo que recuerdo tu pelo negro negro
y a patti smith
y tus manos en mi cuello acercándome más
y mis dientes mordiéndote los hombros
y los cristales empañados
en el medio del desolado
húmedo
páramo

y si te digo que te agarrabas a mi
como si fuera un tronco en medio del mar vapuleándote
que lo sentí así
que es verdad
que lo se

y si te digo que seguíamos besándonos
para sobrevivir
para respirar
para sacarnos a flote
y que vi cómo sonreías
y me sujetabas la mano
y las piernas
en el infinito embudo
de no saber a dónde vamos

y si te recuerdo con tu cabeza en mi pecho
y el gato naranja en mi tripa
y mi boca leyéndote
y mi cabeza medio dormida improvisando palabras para ti
y si... y si te digo que fui feliz
por unos momentos fui feliz

y si te digo que ahora vuelvo a escuchar la misma canción
aunque otra lluvia golpea
otros cristales
y otro páramo me rodea
pero ahora no tengo mi salvavidas
y mi salvavidas no me tiene a mi

¿y si te digo que tengo las llaves del coche en la mano
y he encendido el motor
por que tengo hambre
y te necesito
por que quiero ser humano
por que no puedo más

y si te digo que voy a verte?

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1

fuck 1...
i miss you
i don't care if it’s right or wrong
if i should write you or not
if i should call you or not
if i should see you or not

fuck 1

it's a rainy night in new york city
and i just miss you

that's all

that's the Truth for today

for now

for the mentally insane
for the people in gyms
for the priest
and the top midels
for you
and raymond chandler
and giocometti
and the cavemen
and me
and he

and
i wish i could be with you now
or
i wish you could be with me now
or whatever...

and there are white flowers on the table
and picnics in the parks
and spicy chicken legs in korean restaurants

and who cares?

who gives a damn if i am ok,
if you tell me about your pills,
and your childhood,
and your boyfriend?
Who cares if that transparent loneliness you breath
around gets thicker
and takes you far away from me
to wherever you want to retreat,
to hell
or to home?

who?
fuck honey
what else can a i say,
when it's almost one in the morning
and I have happiness so close I can almost smell it,
and there is nobody around
and i miss you?

what?

i just

hope you are feeling better

hope you can grab a plane and come with me

hope you get this message

because it's burning
and it will burn you too