Mindselfishness

I demand my own sect

I want my eyes to be opened by some

Guru

Psychotherapist

Coach

Shepard

Priestess

uber driver

I need salvation in the form of a light sent to me by a

Sister of mercy

A horse carriage

A whip

I request my peace of mind

Coldness

Voodoo eyes

Conviction

All the witchcraft that you can get from the sickening lounge coaches in all the

Wellbeing clinics in the whole fucking western world

I pray for someone who can take away from me the fact that I am

Most probable,

a walking piece of shit,

a coward

a charlatan,

a farce

and tell me that all I need is to HEAL myself

I command you to lead me to another level of conscience

To bright my path

To guide me to enlightenment

And most of all to, please,

Make me forget that probably I am just a neurotic loon that burns out

everybody around me

I solicit my own goddess

My own chatter about self-realization

Brotherhood-sorority

My personal martyr

My John the Baptist

My drug-of-choice

My saint

My numbness

I crave for it

C’mon

Take my money, please, take it

Just make me feel good about myself

Just a bit

Trick me into thinking that I am good and not just another

Selfless mega-emotional superficial prick like the girl in Fleabag

Out from a self-help book

I need my own particular temple

My sins

My sacraments

And commandments

My dying souls and my infernos

I wanna be the mindless follower of

a hollow magazine cover divinity

with my white gown and my hymns

and everything

I require you to tell me that the rest of the human beings are the problem

Not me

Never me

Of course not me!

I am hurt

I am fragile

I am Fake

I hurt

I manipulate

And lie

I am just a joke told about the person I need to believe I am

I am lost and lonely and cry alone in my room

At night when I see my own shadow in the wall

just before meditation

Oh fill my mind like crystal

My superior

My ego

I really want to be that shallow

I am forcing you to

Give it to me now