too real to feel

I was about to write some lines for you
again
after this many years
several stars passed me by
some stones hit me
I hit myself too
really hard
in the head.

I was about to carve your picture on my wall
to call you on the phone
to tell you that I love you
to tell you that I miss you so bad that my stomach hurts
and I cannot sleep and all that shit

I was about to do all that

I swear

I was about to solve all my problems with a bang!

I was listening too much to Morphine and the Loop
with a quiet mood
And all the girls move their hips very slowly
Man…

I dreamed I was an Artaud drawing
Undercover
Hidden in New York magazines
In those frosty Sunday mornings where the Gug is just a spaceship
And I am in
Like never before
Not losing myself
Eating Chinese food
And looking the reflection of all the lights
in your sunglasses
while you were walking on the Coney Island boardwalk
inside your green transparent dress
full of wind and sand and that wide summer light
like a blue veil.

I dream of you sometimes
I still love you sometimes
I used to be amazed by your beauty
I burned my ships at your feet
I ate my sons
I fought against the Minotaur
I drop the bombs
I stole the fire of the gods for you
killed the giant and the dragon
smoked the pipe
I tamed the horses and the elephants
I change the world
I cut my nails
I cut my legs

I was a moth
You had all the light in the world under your chin

I broke myself in pieces for you
in a hot winter day
under the moonlight
by the beach
Faulkner’s palms roaring above our heads
that water drop in the bathroom
mirroring my teeth

It just was not enough

Not e-n-o-u-g-h

We had the world.

Now

We have the anger