Mindselfishness

I demand my own sect

I want my eyes to be opened by some

Guru

Psychotherapist

Coach

Shepard

Priestess

uber driver

I need salvation in the form of a light sent to me by a

Sister of mercy

A horse carriage

A whip

I request my peace of mind

Coldness

Voodoo eyes

Conviction

All the witchcraft that you can get from the sickening lounge coaches in all the

Wellbeing clinics in the whole fucking western world

I pray for someone who can take away from me the fact that I am

Most probable,

a walking piece of shit,

a coward

a charlatan,

a farce

and tell me that all I need is to HEAL myself

I command you to lead me to another level of conscience

To bright my path

To guide me to enlightenment

And most of all to, please,

Make me forget that probably I am just a neurotic loon that burns out

everybody around me

I solicit my own goddess

My own chatter about self-realization

Brotherhood-sorority

My personal martyr

My John the Baptist

My drug-of-choice

My saint

My numbness

I crave for it

C’mon

Take my money, please, take it

Just make me feel good about myself

Just a bit

Trick me into thinking that I am good and not just another

Selfless mega-emotional superficial prick like the girl in Fleabag

Out from a self-help book

I need my own particular temple

My sins

My sacraments

And commandments

My dying souls and my infernos

I wanna be the mindless follower of

a hollow magazine cover divinity

with my white gown and my hymns

and everything

I require you to tell me that the rest of the human beings are the problem

Not me

Never me

Of course not me!

I am hurt

I am fragile

I am Fake

I hurt

I manipulate

And lie

I am just a joke told about the person I need to believe I am

I am lost and lonely and cry alone in my room

At night when I see my own shadow in the wall

just before meditation

Oh fill my mind like crystal

My superior

My ego

I really want to be that shallow

I am forcing you to

Give it to me now

sálvese quien pueda

...en los barrios pobres no faltan farmacias,

en los ricos tampoco,

ni casas de apuestas,

ni camellos

ni panaderías orgánicas

garajes privados

clínicas de belleza

“ereselhombredemivida

lapersonamásimportanteparami

tequiero

eresmaravilloso”

La lluvia cae en los descampados

Igual que en los jacuzzi

A la lluvia no le importa

Charcos de barro y cal de las obras

Cuarteles abandonados

Carteles de circo

Conciertos de cumbia

Le da igual

Gripe en latas

Culos enormes

Cerveza de saldo

Ropa de centro comercial

Aspiraciones de piscina y trastero

Pasadizo bajo la autopista

Flores de plástico

Sudor y gritos

“nuncahabíasentidoalgocomoesto

nopuedoimaginarmividasinti

eresmiguapo

quieroabrazarteybesarte”

bares de chinos

mucho sol y poca sombra

narices rugosas y moradas

los cigarrillos se fuman hasta el final

luces que parpadean

bolsas de plástico en las esquinas meadas

sobres que vuelven a sus dueños

celofán-programas de citas en la televisión-terapias secta en el sofá

el tiempo lo dirá

polvo de azufre

rejas

metro hasta las 6

pegatinas

peleas a la salida del pub

votas a los niños ricos con corbatas ridículamente gruesas

manicura

zapatos de piel

eczemas

colchones empapados

elige tu bando

tu camino

tu engaño preferido

“nuncahequeridoanadiecomoati

eresunapersonatanespecial

teveoentodoslositios

viajassiempreconmigo”

ventanas tapadas con papel de periódico

grafitis de encargo

cierres metálicos

postes de electricidad con madera podrida

escombros

vino

papel pintado

ilusiones de burguesa,

el ansia de confort crea cicatrices tan profundas y tan

difíciles de cerrar

“mivida

miamor

nuncadejesdehacermeestoporfavor

quierotenerunhijocontigo

miblabla

bla bla bla

blablablablabla

blablablablablabla”

Chevalier de l'apocalypse
.
One summer, so long ago now, I traveled with a Galician gypsy writer friend of mine around and inside an island in the Mediterranean sea aboard a white caravan. We climbed up to the mountain to sleep at the temple in all its infinite stones and descended into the caves of the Phoenician tombs. He cooked & drove and I slept on the floor. We listen to Nick Cave, swam naked, sang, sweated, jumped the walls of the graveyard and hide from the sun & the tourist under the huge fig trees. We danced to the muses by the wells, shout from the watchtower and espied the yachts and the mirrored sky of the dawn over the water. And it was nice
.

leader's lament

… as I fly over the South China Sea

leaving Ha Noi below

I don't look back

I don't want the small marihuana plastic bags

The cheap boom boom

Take me anywhere

… as I look out of the window and see the lake

and wish it would rain again

even on the brand new taxi

taking me to the airport

in the serious faces of the martyrs

and the empty bookstores

the skinless alleyways, the street beer

the pagodas that look like warm, tender, golden wounds in the mist of the tropical sunset,

in the clueless halls of the expensive malls in French town

the feet of the 4 meter tall Buddha are so chubby

and I would love to rest my boiling head between them

sleep over the dried up lotus flowers

the fake money and all those boxes for donations

echoes of the fishermen rain pools

postcards to far away

so far away that it seems impossible

even to imagine them

once that you get surrounded

parasited

wrapped

in this cotton-like heat

with all the songs coming out from the

karaokes and the crowed tin shops

and the ricksaws driver with a Vietcong helmet

that just wants to give you a ride anywhere

and some of his water tobacco pipe

nights coughing

barefoot kids playing on the street

dragon fruits

phoenix feathers

half-naked animal-headed goddesses

that dance in the middle of the fields

in their magic gasoline capsules that burn and then turn

to smoke and get to your lungs

right bellow the military controlled mausoleum of the old leader

who is now under 30 meters of stones

and marble

quiet

under the air conditioning

wishing nobody else was here

(Welsh// internetspotting//2017)

Ten una carrera // Get a career
Se un buen hijo // be a good son
Ten un alquiler // have a rent
Alquílate bien // rent yourself for a good price
Ten una hipoteca // have a mortgage
Una novia // a girlfriend
Un novio // a boyfriend
Dos // two
Ambos mejor // both better
Un amante // and a lover
Otro // and another one
Otra más // and another one more
Ten un hijo // Have a son
Ten su carrito, su colegio, tus miedos y paranoia en su cabeza // Have his stroller, her school, your fears and paranoia in her head
Ten una familia // have a family
Ten otro hijo más // have another kid
Ten un ex // get an ex
Ten dos // get two
Ten tu droga en la cartera // get some drugs in your wallet
En la farmacia // in the pharmacy
En la guantera // in the glove compartment
Ten un coche // get a car
Claro // sure
Eso también // that too
Ten seguidores // have followers
Ten un trabajo // get a job
Ten otro hijo (¿lo dije antes ya?) // get another kid (did I mentioned that before?)
(Consigue megustas // get some likes)
Otro más // another one
Ya no vale con uno // one just wouldn’t do
Folla más // fuck more
Córrete // cum
Se un buen amante // be a good lover
(debes serlo) // (you have to)
Folla // fuck
Tienes que ser un hombre // you have to be a man
Ten miedo // be afraid
Ten pavor // be terrorized
Ten caradura // be shameless
Se hipócrita, // be an hypocrite
Véndete // promote yourself
Tienes que aprender a venderte mejor // you have to learn to sell yourself better
Mira los programas de amor en la tele // watch those Love Programs on the TV
Ten emociones // have emotions
Muchas // lots
Emociónate toooodo el rato // get emotional aaaaaall the time
En alto // out loud
Aspira // aspire
Métete coca // do coke
Bebe todo lo que puedas // drink all you can
Pastillas // pills
Hierba // grass
Ginebra Premium // Premium gin
Hielos Premium // Premium ice
Limón Premium // premium lemon
Hasta maldita tónica premium // even the fucking tonic
Se un imbécil Premium // be a Premium imbecile
Compra una tele plana // buy a flat TV
Un Jesucristo en holograma que te siga con los ojos // an hologram Jesus that follows you with his eyes
Su corazón roto // his heart broken
Habla sobre vino //  talk about wine
Ten un vino favorito // HAVE a favorite wine
Vino caro // expensive wine
Cómprate ropa //  buy clothes
Zapatillas // sneakers
Camisetas // t-shirts
Habla con tus amigas en un grupo de Whatsapp // talk to your friends in that Whatsapp group
Sobre vuestros hijos // about your kids
Quéjate // complain
Llora // cry
Llora mucho // cry a lot
Carcajéate //     laugh out loud
Mucho // a lot
Habla mucho // talk a lot
Habla todo el rato // talk all the time
pero no te pronuncies sobre nada // but don’t say nothing about nothing

Ten una ex // have an ex
Ten dos // have two
Tíñete // dye your hair
Ten un coche // have a car
Ve al gimnasio // go to the gym
Compra vegetales // buy vegetables
Hamburguesas // hamburgers
Celebra la primavera // celebrate springtime
Sal por la noche // go out tonight
Se joven // be young
Baila // dance
Se viejo // be an old man
Habla de “los políticos” // talk about “the politicians”
Ponte crema // put some cream on
Cómete el sol // eat the sun
Déjate barba // get a beard
Respeta a los mayores // respect your elders
Que les jodan a los jóvenes // fuck the youngsters
Sonríe en las fotos // smile in the photos
Come tres platos // eat three meals
No te impliques // don’t get involved
Pero pertenece // but belong
Come hasta que te hartes  // eat until you explode
Engorda // get fat
Adelgaza // get thin
Vete de crucero // go on a cruise
Hazte selfies poniendo morritos // take selfies making a kissy face
Se padre, hijo, hermano, novio, amante, marido, amigo, divertido, apasionado, calmado, sexy, tranquilo…  //  be father, son, brother, boyfriend, lover, husband, fun, passionate, calm, sexy, easy going…
Todo incluido // all-inclusive
Se creativo // be creative
Tómate unas cañitas // have some beers
Siéntate // sit down
Compra // buy
Deprímete  // get depressed
Ten éxito // be successful
Suicídate // kill yourself
Vuelve al campo // go back to the country
Emborráchate hasta que no puedas ni andar // get so drunk you can’t even walk
No entiendes nada // you don’t understand a single thing
Métetelo en la cabeza por mucho que intenten engañarte // get this inside your head eventhough they are trying to fool you
N o   e r e s    e s p e c i a l  //  y o u   a r e   n o t    s p e c i a l
Al cosmos no le importas // the cosmos doesn’t care a fuck about you
El espectáculo lo es todo  // spectacle is everything

Rio Grande

I guess you were right all along

As much as you said it

You were in love with me

But you couldn't stand my singing

The neons of the theater

Down at Hollywood and Vine

Were trembling on and on,

Day and night,
when I passed by

Every letter fired up but one

One that would never work

I used to open the windows and shout

Every morning

To this rusty bright

Burned up

Vulture nest like

City

And it was all because of you

Running like amphetamines in my fueled up veins

With your smell of sweat and white wine

You used to work as a dancer at the Big Macao

five days a week

but mostly nights

And dressed up like a Honk Kong gal to do your little number…

Man, you did really look beautiful in that 5 pennies red silk and gold dress

And you applied some make up so your eyes looked more... oriental

(the pipe that you hid under the bed was also a part of the process)

Every time we parted
I stared at your neck and the curls of your hair as you walked away
until you dissapeared

I guess you were right

All along

Babe

But I still sing every weekend, Friday and Thursday

For 50$ a night plus tips

And drinks

Kind of a nice pay nowadays you know

I even got myself a street cat to pet every once in a while

Her name, quite sure you guessed already,

Starts by that very same neon letter

That never worked on the marquee

That very same letter…. You know…

Who would have thought after all these years

The singing is almost all I have

And everybody seem to like it

From time to time they even write about me in the papers

While your love 
your overcasted smokey love 

That was always around

Vanished like a dried up dandelion under La Cienaga’s sun

I don't know why but she reminds me of you

She cuddles when she feels like it

She jumps out of the window

The moment I’m drunk

She always comes back
the cast I mean

(up to this day at least)

and you know I am the faithful kind

who always keeps the window open just in case

I guess you were right

All along

But you know, I own a little flat up on the hills

From my window I can see the lights blink every morning when I come back home

Those lights we used to dream on

I am still here

Hanging on

and you…

you left LA a long

time

ago

berlin

 

It’s deep in the night

Back in the wide shadows of the mutilated park

The inner city landslide

The blade of the common ground

There is me

No lights on

And there’s you

Flashing like an 80’s spaceship in downtown LA

All your blades falling in between

the stones

like cement for the temple

The glory of the messiah shining inside

glowing in every inch of your soft feathers

your chest like dopamine

your expensive perfume

around me

creating evangelical sentences

hard as a revenge

unfair like the law

With peaks of fire and somber valleys

As I erase the paths and the still waters so dark

that swallow my face

And my sanity

And the hope for a new skin that might get born in the upcoming springtime

Costumes, masks, fire eaters are

finally

approaching

from the south

the road is burning in flames with fingers long and lean

the sword swallower

the dog faced man

elektra,

looking like a Greek goddess,

connected to my spine

the fleas and the juggler

the midget

the keys to power

a horse

a giant

the unfinished love

papa’s boy

rich kid fed on silver and pearls

the skyscraper builder

and the priest

with the ever-growing beard

and the knife ready to skin off

Light without love

Heat without hope

Us surrounded by a deep black circle

Beside the pond

tears in your eyes

Your hands in my head

offering me freedom

Me

stoned and defeated

fading out

Cutting my throat on the edge of the water

the white smoke can be seen through the branches

as her lips

start muttering

 and pretend nothing like this

(the two headed kid)

ever happened